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I was shocked to see this photo come up on my screen. Sarah Adelman was my friend back in Camp Stone in the late 1990s, and we actually almost had one of those cutesy teenage relationships. She was one of those solid, good kids. You couldn’t really have many complaints about her. We’d almost re-established a friendship a couple times in recent years. I wish I’d known her more in our adult lives. I can’t help but think that this community just ground her down. I wish I’d done something.
July 25th, 2006 at 2:34 pm
Sorry to hear this news. But what community do you believe ground her down?
July 25th, 2006 at 3:06 pm
What an awful, awful story.
July 25th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
From the article
Steven, this was a young woman with a serious mental condition. No community “ground her down”.
Your comment is gratuitous, slanderous and pathetic.
July 25th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
depression is serious….and its something that many in the frum world wish to ignore as a result of the attached stigma and yichus probs….but it is mostly chemical and can be treated.
If she indeed was suffering with depressive symptoms for years, it was incumbent on her family to get her help….(not saying they didnt try, but something wasnt working)
This is very sad, and a warning to all….dont let it get out of hand….see a doctor, talk to a friend, talk to your rav…suicide is never an answer
July 26th, 2006 at 10:22 am
“many in the frum world wish to ignore as a result of the attached stigma and yichus probs”
a. what makes you single out the frum world? it’s not so special you know
b. what evidence do you have that “many” “ignore”? Your gut feeling? That’s nice.
c. why not leap into action and make more visible the support mechanisms that exist for people facing depression? for instance, there are more therapists within one square mile of 96th street than anywhere else in the world!
d. how about a blog for frum people who are depressed? that steve could do or many readers of this blog.
d. don’t just sit there. do something. we can’t afford to lose more people to depression.
July 27th, 2006 at 1:57 am
In the frum world, there is more than the average aversion to any medication that is taken for non-physical reasons. I have worked with clients and supervised other therapists whose clients refuse to consider a psychiatric consult for themselves or for their family member because of the possible shidduch implications. I frequently express my same rationale that sometimes breaks throug the resistance… suggesting that a person with diabetes needs to be on meds because he/she has a chemical inbalance. Those occur in the body for no moral reason just as they occur in the brain. There’s a lot of education that needs to be done so that people will not have to suffer from conditions that could treated.
July 27th, 2006 at 9:19 am
“In the frum world, there is more than the average aversion …”
Dr. pls forgive me for the criticism - Without any data or specifics — this sounds like BS to me. Compared to whom? Compared to WASPS? Hispanics? Modern Orthodox? Pure BS. Plus your implication without knowing the case is that this girl is part of the frum world and was not on meds. How in the world would you know that? This is a tragedy and it should prompt some action in response. But not the kind of wild generalizations that you bring to it
July 27th, 2006 at 1:56 pm
She was my cousin. Thanks for missing her. My mom told me about the funeral. I think everyone was sick to their stomachs. It is so sad and I am glad it is making people think on a larger level.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:13 am
You probably know someone you suspect suffers from untreated depression.
I suffer from depression and fully believe that I am alive today only because of my medication.
The diabetes/insulin metaphor Dr. Michelson offers above is pretty much the formulation that finally persuaded me to get the help I needed.
If you have a friend whose blues seem qualitatively different from yours, be proactive and non-judgemental with them.
Among depression’s many insidious qualities is that it tends to alienate or isolate us from the loving friends and family who could help us break the cycle.
Depression can be a fatal disease. But it’s highly treatable. If you know someone who needs you to help them break down a stigma or taboo against seeking psychiatric assistance, do it.
Helping avert tragedies is a mitzvah that repairs the world.
July 28th, 2006 at 10:44 am
Condolences to R. and the whole family.
July 30th, 2006 at 12:21 am
Sarah was on medication and her family new about the depression and tried to help her as much as they could. You can not blame the frum community or her family.
July 30th, 2006 at 8:12 am
Kol YIsrael areivim zeh lazeh. This is so relevant today, where we are so obsessed with doing mitzvos, learning Torah, kosher.. but when we need to really reach out to another we come up short. We need to reach out to people more than we think we do. This suicide is so sad, let’s try to understand it and not condemn.
July 31st, 2006 at 8:24 pm
I’m writing a short article about Sarah for the New York Blueprint, and I wanted to know if anyone who knew Sarah can comment on her death for the article. If you can, please write me at ... Thank you.
July 31st, 2006 at 10:50 pm
I knew Sarah from the JCC in Newton, MA. I would come in to teach my spin class and I saw her and both of our faces had smiles on them and we were happy to see each other. She always had a smile and a wink for me on my way past the front desk. We would briefly talk most times, but there were a few times that we would talk at length. She was a sweet, bubbly, and very nice person. I will remember her as I knew her. I hope she is in a better place.
July 31st, 2006 at 11:47 pm
I knew Sarah back at Brandeis. During my sophomore year she was my next door neighbor in the Usen dorm building. I would have never guessed that she had depression since she had many friends, appeared to have an active dating life, and always smiled. We were never close but frequently made small talk in our hall. Although I don’t know her well I think a variety of reasons played a role in her death. Firstly, I think the desire to feel whole through a relationship with someone else is definately a factor, in addition, she was supposed to have suffered from depression for years. The need for girls to define themselves through relationships is problem found among many young women whether or not they are religious. In college girls were able to climb more in social status if they were romantically involved with other guys. The girls all around suffer though because many guys take advantage of girls who desperately strive to maintain relationships. This problem may very well be even more apparent in the jewish community although I’m not sure since I’m not part of the orthodox Jewish community. The point that I’m trying to make is that her tendency towards depression along with her failed attempts at attaining a healthy, long-term, romantic relationship may have driven her to commit suicide.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:29 am
Does anyone know if maybe Sarah had a borderline personality disorder? I’ve heard that many people with this disorder unfortunately commit suicide, and having a healthy relationship is very hard for someone with this disorder.
August 2nd, 2006 at 10:46 am
I tried to write this before, but I know my e-mail won’t show up. I’m trying to write an article about Sarah for the Blueprint. If you want to comment for the article, you can write me at Lsopher at nyblueprint dot com.
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Another sad, sad, sad story today in the newspaper - New York Daily News - News & Views Columnists - Michael Daly: Fairy tale of a boy and his cat ends in tragedy - ... - sad.
August 2nd, 2006 at 12:16 pm
Another sad, sad, sad story today in the newspaper - New York Daily News - News & Views Columnists - Michael Daly: Fairy tale of a boy and his cat ends in tragedy - link ... - sad.
August 2nd, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Like others I was deeply saddened by Sarah’s suicide. My heart truly goes out to her family and friends. She was a fellow Brandeis graduate, but I did not know her. As a single woman living on the UWS, having many single religious friends, I do not doubt the many hardships of living as a single. However, to presume that “this community grounded her down” or the religious community as a whole, caused this event, is merely unfounded speculation.
August 2nd, 2006 at 7:10 pm
SIW made a dumb remark. Not usual for him. Let’s get over it and focus on what we can do to save beautiful Jewish souls in the future.
August 16th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Lisa, I’m starting a doctoral program in clinical psychology in September and I can tell you that Sarah definitely didn’t have borderline personality disorder. She had friends, a job, and was known to be warm and bubbly, not manipulative, erratic, or violent. If she had had BPD, she would have had a much more checkered history.