Animal Crackers & Kosher
Because the zealots are always out there, a letter to the Yated Ne’eman:
Dear Editor,
Poschim b’chvod achsanyah. My family loves reading this wonderful newspaper, as it is the only newspaper that truly belongs in a Torah home.
I would like to share with you an experience that I recently had, one that I found very disturbing. I opened up a box of heimishe-brand animal crackers and was terribly dismayed to see that a whole array of non-kosher animals are featured! What are we teaching our children, to eat treife animals?! Are we chas v’shalom teaching our children to eat bears and elephants?
Wishing to hear a response.
I remain,
F. O. G.
FOGgy-headed is more like it!
But seriously, how funny can this get? Avraham responds, “I have this great image of armies of little children roaming the Catskill mountains looking for bears to bring home to their bungalows for dinner.”
Also, wouldn’t animal crackers of only kosher animals be horribly boring? Fish, chicken, beef, lamb…at least there’s giraffe.
July 24th, 2006 at 11:14 am
giraffe is kosher…
July 24th, 2006 at 11:21 am
i think that was his point. the kosher animals are largely uninteresting, HOWEVER, at least there’s giraffe…
July 24th, 2006 at 11:29 am
Actually, FOG got the issue all wrong. The problem is Eiver Min haChai since the animal crackers certainly represent living creatures rather than ones geshochted, cooked an on a plate.
July 24th, 2006 at 11:45 am
d - i am being dan l’kav zchus and assuming that FOG holds by the shitta that if you eat them all in one bite it’s muttar. or in the alternative that he wrote it as a joke and yaated published on account of an oversight or perhaps ironic self-parody.
July 24th, 2006 at 11:56 am
What is so sad Stevey, is that these are the people who are reading the Yated.
Nuts! The only paper in a jewish home…what about Star magazine?
July 24th, 2006 at 12:22 pm
Version 2:
Dear Editor,
Poschim b’olam acher, b’olam shel chumrah hayom. My family, before we knew any better, loved reading this newspaper, but of course we discovered that we shouldn’t be reading it as such a use of our time is clearly bitul Torah and no newspapers or books other than the Torah truly belongs in a Torah home.
Despite this, I would still like to share with you a truly horrifying experience that befell my family and may have befallen, chas v’shalom, many children from Torah homes.
My young child recently purchased a Jelly Lolly-Pop, one that I found more disturbing than anything I or my ancestors have ever witnessed. Even worse than the crustaceans that I can not see but know from my gedolim are in my shower water. Hence, I wear a gass mask with a special filter so that I do not accidently drink or breathe in these crustaceans when showering. I have even shaved my head so that the crustaceans that remain in my hair from showering do not fall into my food.
But back to the more immediate issue, the Lolly-Pop.
The Lolly-Pop was in the image of Spider-Man.
What are we teaching our children? Are we chas v’shalom teaching our children to eat people and or Shratzim (creatures)?! I do not know. Seriously, I don’t.
Since Spider-Man has the DNA of both a spider and a man, which is he? I am not sure and clearly this impacts on the matter at hand. Perhaps your gedolim can address this crucial issue of science.
I do not know if eating these Jelly Lolly-Pop will lead my son to cannibalism or, chas v’shalom, to drinking unfiltered tap water.
But I must know.
This may be the greatest threat in the history of the Jewish people that our children have ever faced.
Wishing to hear a response.
I remain,
Frummer than each of you and every one of my ancestors
July 24th, 2006 at 12:41 pm
>giraffe is kosher…
Clearly, if the head is still attached to your cracker it hasn’t been properly schechted. Such crackers must not have heads or, chas v’shalom, our children may learn to to eat giraffes that have not been properly schechted.
Also, unsalted crackers are clearly a problem, chas v’shalom.
July 24th, 2006 at 12:44 pm
>Also, unsalted crackers are clearly a problem, chas v’shalom.
Perhaps such crackers could be broiled with direct fire, like liver, and then eaten?
July 24th, 2006 at 1:25 pm
>Also, wouldn’t animal crackers of only kosher animals be horribly
>boring? Fish, chicken, beef, lamb…at least there’s giraffe.
Fish and meat? Together in the same box??
SIW, what are you teaching our children???
Also, we are talking about ANIMAL crackers. Unless there is new science from our gedolim that I am unaware of, fish are still not animals.
July 24th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
What is more amazing is that the Yated published this letter.
July 24th, 2006 at 2:36 pm
LOL! This is better than BangItOut!
July 24th, 2006 at 6:27 pm
Given the tragedy that occurred several years ago when a bear did indeed enter a Chassidish bungalow colony, and given how intelligent this letter writer must be, I understand her concern. She probably thinks that a bear shaped cracker is a freeze-dried bear that could cause mayhem RL if it were to come into contact with water.
July 24th, 2006 at 10:36 pm
How much I would love for this to be a spoof.
Sadly, I think it’s real.
BTW, anyone know what’s going on on UOJ? He’s accused me of being identical with his nemesis Tuvya, almost simultaneously with Tuvya disabling comments on his own blog where I had been the subject of his most recent post. Too wierd.
July 25th, 2006 at 2:32 am
Remember the little blue sachets of salt that used to come in bags of crisps years ago? Perhaps they could be introduced into the kosher versions of animal biscuits and kids could be taucht to salt their animal biscuits before eating.
July 25th, 2006 at 9:36 am
a sad - but true - story…in our little town, my neighbor gave out little bags of treats following a birthday party for his little girl… the bag had a picture of spiderman on it …and yes, one of the parents complained to my neighbor about how they are trying to shield their child from all of this….etc.
July 25th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Amazing how innaccurate the Halachic terminology of our time is. This of course, illustrates the great level of illiteracy when it comes to Torah these days.
Jerry says, “Giraffe is kosher.” If the Torah were to speak of the giraffe per say, it would not use the term Kosher, but rather the term ‘Tahor’ (clean). True, the giraffe does chew its cud and has a completely split hoof- but we have no Mesorah (tradition) of Shechita for such an animal.
JWB calls crustaceans Sheratzim. Negative! Only the carcasses of eight creatures listed in the Torah (Shmoneh Sheratzim) can be considered Sheratzim- crustaceans are not one of those eight.
But, the biggest level of stupidity must be the initial letter to the Yated. Animal crackers are just that- crackers. They are not Basar (flesh)- and subsequently not subject to the Halachos of Basar. The author of this letter seems to be an Am Ha’aretz par excellence as well, by referring to the ‘objectionable’ animal crackers as non Kosher animals. The correct terminology again, would be Beheimos Temei’os (unclean animals). He then refers to the same crackers as being crackers of Treif animals. Negative again! The word Treif is never used by the Torah or Chazal to describe Beheimos Temei’os.
The fact that the Yated publishes this Devarim Beteilim- this Leitzanus- is not surprising either. After all, this is the generation of “Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the Frummest of them all?”
Following the rational of this letter to the Yated, we should not eat Hamantaschen at any time. Since the Hamantasche repesents Haman’s stopped up ear (he could not hear the King’s order to eliminate the Persian Jews), we would be teaching our children that there is nothing wrong with cannabalism.
Does anyone else ever notice that instead of objecting to the Sheker, dishonesty, Echad BePeh VeEchad BeLeiv (duplicity) of these times, our paragons of journalistic integrity object instead to Animal Crackers of Beheimos Temei’os? This is certainly a Dor Ikeish UfeSaltol (a twisted and perverse generation). HaShem Yerachaim!
July 25th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Please pardon the typographical error in my post- the word is spelled ‘cannibalism.’
July 25th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Kofrim!
The writer is right!, I would like to add a question, why do we give our children names of non-kosher animals such as Zeev, Dov, Arye, devora ?. It give them a spirit of non-kosher being.
July 26th, 2006 at 6:36 am
Dag Dagan:
>…..why do we give our children names of non-kosher animals such as Zeev, Dov, Arye, devora ?
July 26th, 2006 at 7:13 am
>JWB calls crustaceans Sheratzim. Negative! Only the carcasses
>of eight creatures listed in the Torah (Shmoneh Sheratzim) can
>be considered Sheratzim- crustaceans are not one of those eight.
Actually, that is NOT what I said. I was clearly referring to spiders.
>The Lolly-Pop was in the image of Spider-Man.
>
>What are we teaching our children? Are we chas v’shalom teaching
>our children to eat people and or Shratzim (creatures)?! I do not
>know. Seriously, I don’t.
>
>Since Spider-Man has the DNA of both a spider and a man, which
>is he? I am not sure and clearly this impacts on the matter at
>hand. Perhaps your gedolim can address this crucial issue of
>science.
July 30th, 2006 at 12:51 am
REAL LETTERS IN THIS WEEK’S YATED:
Dear Editor,
I read last week with consternation,
A letter written with righteous indignation.
The writer was appalled,
As he recalled,
A cracker unbecoming to his nation!
He picked up a snack,
And in the pack,
Were animals that are taboo.
An elephant, a tiger and a monkey too.
And so a letter he sent to you!
How dare this company so heimish,
Perpetrate an act �beheimish.�
To ensnare his child to actually chew,
Something prohibited to every Jew.
And then it hit me with a thud!
Takeh a shandeh! Takeh ah shud!
Though I only eat,
The kosher species of that treat,
And save the treife ones for a goy�
I still am in trouble, oy vavoy!
You see I bit the leg last week,
Of a cow-shaped cracker in my feast.
And now, I�m stuck, I cannot lie.
I ate an eiver, min hachai!
And now before I eat, I check,
To carefully slice off the neck,
And way before I�ll eat, I halt,
And make sure to sprinkle salt,
Lest it would look,
At least to some�
I did not rid the cow of �dum�.
And when there are two crackers,
That were put in the box by packers,
Perhaps an ox along with its calf.
We have a problem,
Please don�t laugh.
Because the Torah tells us NO!
Do not shecht �Osoh v�es b�noh�!
So thank you reader,
Oh so ehrlich,
Who saved me from something so geferlich.
And listen up all animal snackers,
You can even learn halacha from simple crackers!
A Grateful Yated Fan
ELBOW MACARONI AND ZEBRA COOKIES
Dear Editor,
I would like to address the author of the letter titled �Bears and Elephants�, who wrote last week how �very distressing� it was to recently open a box of heimishe-brand animal cookies and that he was �deeply dismayed� to find non-kosher shaped animals. To think that someone notices something as silly as this and then actually allows this to bother him is shocking and troubling.
Based on these concerns, should we eliminate �horse�radish on the Shabbos table, �ham�burgers at barbecues, and gummy bears from our children�s pekalach? Should we prohibit our children from calling their tante an �aunt� and should we remove beer from our shalom zachor menus? Should we cross off ladyfingers from our Pesach orders? Are we now concerned that eating elbow macaroni together with cheese promotes aiver min hachai and bosor b�cholov? Should we say no to zebra cookies? The �concern� that allowing bear or elephant shaped cookies into your home �teaches our children to eat treife animals� is about as likely as a black and white cookie showing support for affirmative action or being concerned that eating a Napoleon pastry promotes cannibalism.
Yossi G.
Highland Park, N.J.
WORRYING ABOUT WHAT COMES OUT
Dear Editor,
In response to F.O.G.�s �Bears and Elephants� letter:
I think we should start worrying about what comes out of our mouths as much as we worry about what goes in.
I remain,
N.H.B.